YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME and other mature thoughts


Ever feel like you don’t have control over your life? Most of us do at some time or another. But I’ve learned that managing my emotions (not stuffing them!) is the key to living a life that I control. The ability to have the absolute power over what you feel in every situation, every moment – no matter what goes on around you – is a super-important skill set – and you can learn it!

There are three things that determine how you feel. Tony Robbins calls these the “triad”. Together these three patterns create your emotions. Every feeling you have (yes, every one) comes from you choosing from the Triad. So in order to manage these emotions and make empowering choices, you need to understand these patterns.

#1: Physiology, or Posture

PhysiologyEvery emotion you experience is first felt in your body. If you want to feel depressed, it’s a matter of slumping over, looking at the ground, breathing shallowly, frowning, and speaking VERY quietly. The way you use your body biochemically changes how you feel. In the same way, if you want to feel passionate, start by speaking more rapidly, moving more rapidly, and take on the “physiology” of passion. The same goes if you want to feel more confident – stand tall, be grounded, breathe fully, speak loudly, etc.
You’ll find that you’re able to put yourself in a much more powerful feeling, or “state” of being. From this state, you can make stronger decisions and enjoy a sense of calm even in the face of uncertainty. Try it!


#2: Language

Language comes in many forms, one of which includes the questions you ask yourself, either aloud or inside your head. If you ask, “Why does this always have to happen to me?” you’ll create a much different set of emotions than if you asked, “How can I benefit from this?” or “Where’s the gift in this?” or “What’s humorous about this?”

Your words and language patterns also change how you feel. If you say things like, “I feel really tired” or “This is too hard”, you will literally feel tired or that what you’re trying to do is hard. It simply doesn’t put you in an empowering state.

All words have different emotional states associated to them. There are certain phrases you use that are disempowering, which will affect how you feel moment to moment. Being aware of your vocabulary, statements, phrases, and metaphors are crucial to controlling your emotions. When you feel negative emotions taking over, look at the language surrounding your situation. How can you shift it to create a more empowering state?

#3: Focus

6602332085_60b6526b99_qThe next thing that determines how you feel is what you decide to focus on. To feel happy, focus on things in your life that will make you feel happy. Perhaps it’s asking questions like, “What am I happy about in my life right now?” or even remembering happy moments from the past, like a fun birthday.

Whatever you focus on, you feel. In the same way, to feel depressed you have to focus on things entirely differently. You need to be deleting all the good that’s going on in any given moment, and focused on the negative. If you asked yourself, “What really sucks in my life right now?”, I’m sure you’d be able to find something and end up feeling crappy. Or if I said, “Remember a time when you felt depressed”, like that time your dog died or something – you’d feel those emotions you felt.

What’s wrong is always available, and so is what’s right.

If I can control my emotions, I really AM the boss of me.

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